Tis the Season

Ah, another holiday season. As I looked out the window of our office building yesterday it filled my heart with anger to see all those shoppers clogging up my commute home. Must they leave the mall at 5:00 when the rest of us schmucks who have worked all day just want to get home to some Christmas cheer?! Preferably cheer that comes from a bottle with a cork on top.

Speaking of shopping…. who are you people that drag your kids shopping with you? Have you never heard of a babysitter? Great idea bringing them along to clog up the aisles and of course we all love to hear you tell them no less than 1,000,000 times not to touch anything. Lady, if you’re going to bitch at them the entire time why not tie their hands to their thighs with duct tape? It would make the whole experience much more pleasant for the rest of us, not to mention cut down on the copious amount of germs they are undoubtedly spreading from their snot nose friends at school.

When did gift wrapping become advertising? These days stores want to charge you $12.00 to stick paper with their name all over it on your package. Give me the good old days of department store gift wrap departments. You know the ones with their generic boxes wrapped in hideous red and green paper on the wall. “I’d like this wrapped in #14 please” Truthfully, the only stores to get away with this shameless self promotion are Hermes, Tiffany’s and Cartier. Those are classics. Everyone knows the orange, blue or red box but these new guys need to keep their name off my boxes.

Also what is with stores that “run out” of boxes? You knew it was the holiday season. You sell merchandise that needs a box, yet you ordered enough for the first 50 customers? Short people on the giveaways, short them on service (which you do anyway by hiring kids who should have their high school diplomas ripped from their hands), short them on the hottest new toy (what would the season be without a few totally panicky parents) but don’t short them on boxes. Boxes are an essential part of gifts. Without them you have a wrinkly blob under the tree leading everyone to believe you wrap like a one handed chimp.

One way gifts. I am the first to jump at any fun stuff coming my way but I find it incredibly irritating when I get a gift from someone with which I have no relationship. This does not lead to good will. This leads to guilt and embarrassment and I have enough of that in my life. I do however accept these gifts because after all they went to the trouble. I’ll work it out in therapy later. The flip side of the one way gift coin is the “you are new to the family and I haven’t a clue what you like” side. Fun! I have trouble buying for people I know inside and out let alone someone I just met.

If you haven’t picked up on it yet I am gearing myself up to finish our Christmas shopping this afternoon. I thought if I ranted now I wouldn’t have any left when I hit the stores. Time (and the level of champagne left in the bottle in my fridge when I go to bed) will tell.