Telecrack
At my annual conference last year, I stayed in my hotel bed late one morning trying desperately to recover from the new town, new bars jaunt of the previous night. Replacing my Lifetime mindless television ritual on days like this one was a “24” marathon on TBS. I watched episode after episode until I eventually crawled to the bathroom to clean up before our afternoon session. Six episodes into it I realized this show is great!
I came home with a new love for Jack Bauer and his Jack Ryanesque abilities. I NEEDED to see the whole season. I NEEDED to know what happened before and after those six hangover soaked episodes so my father gave me the season one box set. Home from work one day with all the motivation of a sloth I popped in disk one. Eight hours later when Carrie got home I was on disk four with no end in sight. How could I stop now in the middle of the season? What would happen to Senator Palmer? What would happen to Jack’s family in particular his stupid daughter Kim who has an incredible knack for making the worst decision in any situation?
It didn’t take long before Carrie became just as hooked. Our normal lights out, in bed at 9:30, her snoring beside me as I increase the volume on the television routine turned into a stay up until 10:30 so we can squeeze in one more episode of our “24” marathon. We started watching it religiously and when that season was over we immediately started talking about our next fix. Should we watch season six which was just beginning on Fox? Should we go in order? Would it matter? For the love of God what happens next!
Yesterday we went and bought season two and three with the intention of watching them while Carrie recuperates from her surgery this weekend. Any gamblers want to make a bet on how long those precious boxes were in our house before we popped that baby in the DVD? We were like crack addicts that had just been handed a twenty dollar bill. Four disks later it was lights out at 11:00 (a new record on a school night). If you haven’t watched “24” but need a new vice let us know. I’m pretty sure by the end of the weekend we’ll be ready for season four and five. Like a pusher on the school yard, I say “Try it. You’ll like it. Trust me”.
Monday, January 29, 2007
Thursday, January 18, 2007
This Will Go Down on Your Permanent Record
From my e-mail a few minutes ago (which was copied to both of my bosses, the office manager, and our managing principal):
Jacqui,
Today I noticed you had a candle burning in your office. Please note that this is in violation of the XXXX XXXX Building Rules and Regulations and such devices must be removed immediately. These rules and regulations are set and regulated by the Houston Fire Marshall, Life Safety Bureau.
Non-Compliance of this rule may results in a citation and/or fine.
Please let me know if you have any questions and thank you for making our suite a safer place.
Seriously! I was tattled on and in a very public manner. Oh, don’t think I didn’t consider firing an e-mail back. Something along the lines of:
Sorry about the candle. No questions except did you mean to write “Non-Compliance of this rule may result in a citation and/or fine"? Don’t worry I won’t be e-mailing your grade school English teacher or your bosses because I’m not a tattle tale.
From my e-mail a few minutes ago (which was copied to both of my bosses, the office manager, and our managing principal):
Jacqui,
Today I noticed you had a candle burning in your office. Please note that this is in violation of the XXXX XXXX Building Rules and Regulations and such devices must be removed immediately. These rules and regulations are set and regulated by the Houston Fire Marshall, Life Safety Bureau.
Non-Compliance of this rule may results in a citation and/or fine.
Please let me know if you have any questions and thank you for making our suite a safer place.
Seriously! I was tattled on and in a very public manner. Oh, don’t think I didn’t consider firing an e-mail back. Something along the lines of:
Sorry about the candle. No questions except did you mean to write “Non-Compliance of this rule may result in a citation and/or fine"? Don’t worry I won’t be e-mailing your grade school English teacher or your bosses because I’m not a tattle tale.
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Snow Day
It is cold here today. So cold I want to sleep, hibernate like a bear, until spring brings better weather. My sister’s school was cancelled this morning but that didn’t stop my father from going into her room and waking her up at 8:30. You see she worries about everything including her highly coveted perfect attendance record at school. When my father woke her this morning she went into sheer panic that she was late for school. Oh the horror!
I was just the opposite of my sister. I didn’t worry about missing school. I worried if it was too soon since my last absence to use the stomach ache, period, food poisoning, or headache excuse. You have to keep track otherwise you are labeled a liar (which you are but just don’t want to labeled as such) by both parents and teachers. I cannot think of one single solitary time we had a snow day when I was her age. Or ice storm day. Whatever they’re calling it on the news.
When I went off to college I had lots of snow days. Not necessarily school sanctioned. These were more self imposed snow days. I know my limits. If there was a class I really liked I would brave the weather to attend. I had this system worked out where I would skip from building to building, entering one side then exiting the other, until I arrived at the one housing my class. I was a sight to behold in fifty layers. Long johns, jeans, wool socks, boots, long john top, long sleeve t-shirt, sweater, coat, gloves, scarf, hat. Not an inch of skin showing means not an inch of frostbite.
Speaking of frost bite, I have never understood people who will purposefully put themselves in this kind of weather and worse. To add insult to injury they chose to add physical exertion to the mix by climbing a mountain where oxygen is in such rare supply and the air is so thin a rescue helicopter can’t even land. Why? I know you will say it is to test their limits, expand their horizons, or the great sense of accomplishment they feel but I will never understand. I am perfectly happy to test my limits by seeing if my feet sting if I go outside barefoot for just a minute in this weather to get the paper. As for my horizons, if there is a new restaurant in town with a big, toasty fire I am willing to expand my repertoire. Oh, and I came to work today despite the temperature so I already feel a great sense of accomplishment. Aim low my friends and you will never disappoint.
It is cold here today. So cold I want to sleep, hibernate like a bear, until spring brings better weather. My sister’s school was cancelled this morning but that didn’t stop my father from going into her room and waking her up at 8:30. You see she worries about everything including her highly coveted perfect attendance record at school. When my father woke her this morning she went into sheer panic that she was late for school. Oh the horror!
I was just the opposite of my sister. I didn’t worry about missing school. I worried if it was too soon since my last absence to use the stomach ache, period, food poisoning, or headache excuse. You have to keep track otherwise you are labeled a liar (which you are but just don’t want to labeled as such) by both parents and teachers. I cannot think of one single solitary time we had a snow day when I was her age. Or ice storm day. Whatever they’re calling it on the news.
When I went off to college I had lots of snow days. Not necessarily school sanctioned. These were more self imposed snow days. I know my limits. If there was a class I really liked I would brave the weather to attend. I had this system worked out where I would skip from building to building, entering one side then exiting the other, until I arrived at the one housing my class. I was a sight to behold in fifty layers. Long johns, jeans, wool socks, boots, long john top, long sleeve t-shirt, sweater, coat, gloves, scarf, hat. Not an inch of skin showing means not an inch of frostbite.
Speaking of frost bite, I have never understood people who will purposefully put themselves in this kind of weather and worse. To add insult to injury they chose to add physical exertion to the mix by climbing a mountain where oxygen is in such rare supply and the air is so thin a rescue helicopter can’t even land. Why? I know you will say it is to test their limits, expand their horizons, or the great sense of accomplishment they feel but I will never understand. I am perfectly happy to test my limits by seeing if my feet sting if I go outside barefoot for just a minute in this weather to get the paper. As for my horizons, if there is a new restaurant in town with a big, toasty fire I am willing to expand my repertoire. Oh, and I came to work today despite the temperature so I already feel a great sense of accomplishment. Aim low my friends and you will never disappoint.
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
A Light at the End of a Very Loud Tunnel
February 2nd Carrie is having the nose surgery I have long been begging her to have which we’re hoping will reduce her snoring. Okay, maybe I’m the only one hoping it will reduce her snoring. She is hoping it will reduce my bitching about her snoring. I believe the saying is “one less thing to bitch about”. Just so we’re all clear that I am not capable of stopping my bitching all together. There’s not a surgery in the world for that unless you consider euthanasia a surgery.
Although I’m thrilled about the possibility of quiet nights, I have started down my OCD path of aimless worry. What if something goes wrong? What if this doctor is a quack or worse he has an addiction that impairs his ability to perform surgery? What if the power goes out during surgery and no one has checked the backup generators in years? What if she gets an infection afterwards? What will I do when she refuses to call 911 and go to the hospital? These are the milder scenarios I’ve been spinning about but you get the idea.
In addition to the torture inside my head, I think Carrie is trying desperately to think of some of her own. She keeps saying she is doing this for me and that I had better plan to take good care of her post op. I keep trying to lessen the blow by saying telling her not to think of this as doing it for me but about how much better she will breathe afterwards. I have two things going for me at this point. One, there are no bells in our house that she could ring to summon me and two, we did not install intercoms so it is quite possible that someone upstairs could not hear the screams of someone laying on the couch with a drip pad beneath their nose.
February 2nd Carrie is having the nose surgery I have long been begging her to have which we’re hoping will reduce her snoring. Okay, maybe I’m the only one hoping it will reduce her snoring. She is hoping it will reduce my bitching about her snoring. I believe the saying is “one less thing to bitch about”. Just so we’re all clear that I am not capable of stopping my bitching all together. There’s not a surgery in the world for that unless you consider euthanasia a surgery.
Although I’m thrilled about the possibility of quiet nights, I have started down my OCD path of aimless worry. What if something goes wrong? What if this doctor is a quack or worse he has an addiction that impairs his ability to perform surgery? What if the power goes out during surgery and no one has checked the backup generators in years? What if she gets an infection afterwards? What will I do when she refuses to call 911 and go to the hospital? These are the milder scenarios I’ve been spinning about but you get the idea.
In addition to the torture inside my head, I think Carrie is trying desperately to think of some of her own. She keeps saying she is doing this for me and that I had better plan to take good care of her post op. I keep trying to lessen the blow by saying telling her not to think of this as doing it for me but about how much better she will breathe afterwards. I have two things going for me at this point. One, there are no bells in our house that she could ring to summon me and two, we did not install intercoms so it is quite possible that someone upstairs could not hear the screams of someone laying on the couch with a drip pad beneath their nose.
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