Designed With Quiet in Mind

In the past couple of years, C has begun snoring every night. Two seconds after her head hits the pillow great waves of sound begin filling the room. It sounds like she is snorting gravel. Interspersed with the snoring is the “puh”. This is the sound of a big intake of air followed by the “puh” sound her lips make on exhale.

In addition to C’s snoring, Isaac chimes in with his own brand of keep you awake make you cringe noises, lip smacking. He sounds like a dog that has been deprived of water for a week. Smack. Smack. Smack. I do however have Isaac trained to immediately retreat to the closet when I say the words “quit it” real loud. This trick doesn’t work so well with C.

As C’s snoring habit has developed into full bloom, my own inability to sleep has grown to irritating proportions. I toss. I turn. I shake her and tell her to turn over. I toss. I turn. I shake the bed violently to make her wake up. Nothing worked until now.

At the ranch one weekend, C placed a small fan on the bedside table next to me to see if the quiet humming would lull me into a deep sleep. It worked. It is a rare occasion that I don’t sleep through the night at the ranch. What works in the country should work at home so last night we went to the drug store and bought me a fan.

The box said “Designed With Quiet in Mind”. What the hell? I don’t want a quiet fan. I need noise. Humming, whirring, something. We bought it anyway with the intention of returning it if it should prove too quiet. First thing when we got home we unpacked the fan and plugged it in. Zzzzzzzzz, tik tik tik, zzzzzzzzzzz, tik tik tik, zzzzzzzzz clink. The box lied! This fan was designed with revenge in mind because when I turned it on last night to settle in for a good nights sleep, C was almost kept awake by the noise. Alas, she did fall asleep and promptly began snorting gravel but with my trusty noise maker I was able to sleep also.