Ghosts of Christmas Present

Well, we survived another Christmas…barely. Christmas morning I woke up (unknowingly) next to Scrooge. Gone was my girlfriend and in her place was this mean spirited, bad mood, Scrooge. She even threatened to leave the house while everyone was over. She just needed a little reminder that if I stay she stays. Like the Marines we leave no man behind. This rule applies even more when twelve family members are going to descend upon our house in four hours. So Scrooge pulled it together and we were able to have all but the turkey and crab cakes ready when the nut house stopped the bus in front of our house and released its wards to our care for the afternoon.

Immediately following their entrance, our family members congregated not in the living room, not in the sunroom (both rooms with sufficient seating where nothing was going on) but in the kitchen. Not even the flames rising from the skillet could drive them away (the fire was minor and did not spread). When all food had finally reached the table everyone grabbed their plate and started filling up like we were running an all you can eat Chinese buffet.

My sister however exercised some restraint putting just two items on her plate; turkey and my grandmother’s spinach salad. Scrooge made it a point to sarcastically state that she was really branching out putting spinach on her plate at which point Morgan exclaimed “Spinach!! You mean there is spinach in this salad”. If I were my parents I would have called the private tutor and asked for my money back. This is the “spinach” salad served at every special occasion. We don’t call it “grandmother’s special salad” or “mandarin orange salad” it is always referred to as “spinach salad”. Throughout the meal Morgan shot side glances at everyone around her trying desperately to have someone, anyone, verify that there was in fact NO spinach on her plate.

After lunch we exchanged gifts then everyone packed up to head home with one exception, my aunt’s boyfriend who had been sleeping upstairs on our guest bed since arriving. Presents were in the car and he had not yet resurfaced. Scrooge and I dropped subtle hints then finally leaned in to ask my father if maybe someone had forgotten Ed upstairs. Seizing the opportunity to throw me into a panic he started telling everyone to hurry up and leave. In the end we did end up getting rid of Ed but not before I followed my aunt out to the car to verify that she would be taking him with her.

In the end it was a Christmas filled with family, good food, and lots of laughter but if the mother ship insists on giving me Scrooge again next year I may hop the bus back to the loony bin.