I am losing my mind. Not really, not yet, but I am preparing. Judging from my family history I will have no way to avoid becoming a certified nutcase. I’m not talking about the kind of stand on a street corner yelling random obscenities crazy but the kind that walks through the grocery store buying dented canned goods so she can complete the maze through her living room crazy. I did have a great grandmother who did just that. She would sometimes share the wealth dropping off boxes of slightly damaged groceries on my parent’s front porch.

My great aunts lived in Washington, D.C. in one big narrow house. Auntie Mel worked for the government for years. Her actions later in life left us all to wonder if she worked as a test subject on experimental medical treatments. I’m not sure how long they all actually lived in the house but it was long enough for it to start coming down around them. The plaster had begun to rain down from the living room ceiling in big dusty chunks. Mel was sure this was not due to a lack of maintenance but the city buses that traveled frequently in front of the house. So she made a chart. If she was in the kitchen and heard a bus she would run to the front door to document the time and approximately how fast the bus appeared to be going. That chart ended up at the City’s transportation office where I feel confident it was hung in the break room for comic relief from what must be a thankless job. They never did reimburse her for the repairs to the living room ceiling.

Mel was fun, spunky. She drove until the day she contracted West Nile Virus and died. I use the term driving loosely because towards the end there she would get lost. A lot. Going the wrong way down a one way street at fifteen miles an hour with other drivers honking and yelling she would state to no one in particular “I’M NOT FROM AROUND HERE!”. That’s how I want to be when my mind goes. I am looking forward to leisurely driving down the wrong side of the street screaming “I’M NOT FROM AROUND HERE!” If you ask my partner she will tell you I am on my way to fulfilling that dream now. What can I do? It runs in the family.