Time Warp or Twilight Zone?

It all started with an acquaintance of a friend who said; “Sure, come on down to the beach for New Years Eve. We have two rooms. One has a queen bed the other two full beds. It’ll be fun. I might not be here because I may be at my husband’s house.”

And so began our plans for New Years Eve. Six of us were going. I agreed to get the food. Football food. Hangover food. Chips, salsa, spicy crackers, pre-cooked shrimp and flank steak. All the fixings for a lazy New Years Eve at the beach. Friends brought breakfast casseroles, cards, booze, champagne, sketch pads and magazines. We were ready.

On NYE we piled into two cars and made the hour and a half trip to the beach. Stopping off once to purchase $200 worth of firecrackers. Talk about kids in a candy store. We went hog wild. Artillery shells in different colors? Check. Chickens that shoot sparks out of their ass? Check. Sparklers in three colors? Check. Big and small bottle rockets? Check. You get the idea.

Arriving at the beach we were so excited. We began unpacking as our hostess showed us around. Bedrooms? Only one with an unmade queen size bed. The other beds? Futons in the living room. Okay we all thought, the sleeping arrangements aren’t what we thought but we can roll with this. As we were getting to know each other our hostess poured herself a big old glass of vodka on ice then added just a splash of soda. Apparently she was not going to let any mixer get in her way. As the night progressed we saw her pour about fifteen more of these each one increasingly light on the soda. The next morning our friends found six of these drinks forgotten in various places.

With the sleeping arrangements settled it was time to turn off Casablanca on the t.v. and put on some football. Football? Our hostess informs us that she has Direct TV but cuts it off in the winter to save money. Huh? What? Carrie at this point had just enough liquid encouragement in her to inform the room “THIS IS BULLSHIT! What do mean they don’t have TV?”. We know at this point we are at DEFCON 1 so we suggest Carrie come to the beach with us to set off fireworks.

A few collisions between Carrie’s ass and a sand dune later and we had her properly planted in the sand so we could proceed into pyrotechnic nirvana. Amazingly it all went well. This despite one of our party not being familiar with Carrie’s stages of “tipsy” handing her a lit bottle rocket which she proceeded to shoot a foot or two just above a box of the unlit firecrackers.

With the smell of sulfur lingering on our clothes we went back to the house. Carrie by this time has forgotten there is not t.v. and is continually asking us to put the game on. Instead (and this is where I started pouring my own drinks a might stronger) our hostess puts in The Rocky Horror Picture Show. It is her favorite and she knows every word. Just after The Time Warp (which we all danced in the living room- how could you not at this point?) she plops into a chair then proceeds to plop right out of it onto the floor.

At this point Carrie is “napping” on a futon in the living room. The neighbors have come over to visit and another friend is making one of them recite the Whataburger commercial convinced he is the voice of Whataburger. Still another friend who flew in from Paris has retired to the bedroom. And that my friends is how I ended up in bed, legs wrapped around and snoring contentedly with a French man as the clocks ticked towards 2009.

In all this was one of the funnest, funniest New Years Eves I have had in a long time. Will we be going back? Probably not. Or at least until The Rocky Horror Picture Show DVD spontaneously combusts and Direct TV is installed year round.

Disclaimer: Friend of hostess had no idea what she was getting us into. Said friend is off the hook for any and everything that happened. No worries!